It cracks me up to think I used to look at my mom and be like, “oh that skin is kinda loose… What is that all about?”. And now I am like, “SHE CARRIED AND BIRTHED THREE CHILDREN AND ONE OF THEM WAS YOU!!!!!”.
Funny how your perception of things change as you start to experience things for yourself. Sometimes it makes you feel like a naive asshole but then you learn and grow into a more empathetic human.
So here I am after just ONE baby feeling like I am never going to look the same ever again. Which, to be honest, I probably won’t and that is fine. But I am definitely not where I want to be either. I catch a glimpse of my back while getting into the shower and I am like what. the. hell. I know it is sad but I know and want to feel good in my own skin so here it goes…
I was 118 pounds when I went in for my first doctors visit at 8 weeks pregnant. I loved how my body was, in terms of looks but more importantly how it moved and what I could do. I was working out pretty much every day and ate good for the most part but knew how much I could get away with to still maintain. I worked at the gym so I had unlimited access to trainers and a basically empty gym most of the day, spoiled I know.
I SPIRALED out of control while I was pregnant. Partly because for the whole first trimester I felt like I was going to throw up all the time. Looking back I think I survived on sour gummy candies, rice with butter on it and cinnamon toast. All really nutritious stuff but you gotta do what you gotta do. But mostly because I kind of let myself lean into being pregnant without putting a whole lot of restrictions on myself, which was fun, thank you Ben & Jerry’s.
I ended up gaining over 40 pounds while I was pregnant, whoops. I lost 15 during birth and then another 17 over the past 10 months. I really want to just feel good again. I am not sure what my new “good” is going to be in terms of weight or look but I know it isn’t where I am at right now. I would really like to have more consistency in working out but I know being a parent makes that tough. Right now I am lucky if I get 3 days in a week, during a good week. I walk a lot with Kade and basically carry a 20+ pound baby around part of the day so I know it isn’t nothing. But working out made me FEEL good. A dedicated time to push my body and jump around, listen to music and get sweaty.
So I have made a promise to myself that by the new year I will have found my new “good” and then be able to relax a bit. I am not a huge fan of doing like 30-day challenges where you have to go from 0 to 100 and feel really restricted and unbalanced. I know it might work for some people but I want to find ways that allow me to live a healthy balanced life, both physically and mentally.
- Eating mostly good, but allowing myself to enjoy things when I feel like it because I bake a lot and I love food.
- Drinking more water. This one is hard because I forget the hydro when on walks or have to pee and don’t feel like I have time for that? But I am going to try.
- Moving my body 5 days a week. I am hoping they will be structured 30-minute workouts but if not long walks will suffice. And I won’t beat myself up over it.
- Do something for myself everyday. This used to seem unnecessary because I had all the time in the world to myself, but now I can barely find time to pee (see point 2). So making sure I carve out some time to brush my hair or put some mascara on or workout! It will probably look different everyday but just making sure I put myself first for a few minutes a day.
I will keep you updated over the next 3 months on my progress!